at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
