I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The air was thick with penises
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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