Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
