worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
