Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
