I love having hate sex.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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