We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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