and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
