Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.