their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
