I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
