Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
