i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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