Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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