if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
