whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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