great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
