I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
