a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
