New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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