Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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