lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
