Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
