Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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