You're my little dorito
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
