i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
