just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
