Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
