i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize