my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
