Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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