Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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