I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
