We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
