We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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