No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
