he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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