The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
