the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
