really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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