This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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