I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The air was thick with penises
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
