She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
