You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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