Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
