we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
