help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
