Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
