soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
