quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
