After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
