walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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