you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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