I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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