To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
this hospital has no fireball
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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