Fine. I'll sleep in my office
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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