Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
