From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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