Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
