Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I wish you could order shots online.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
