May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
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