oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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