Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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