I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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