wanna go halves on a baby?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
