carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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