I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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