I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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