He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
