what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
