and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
