also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
