They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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